Friday, January 31, 2014

Top Ten One-Eyed Badasses

   It's been a while since I did a Top Ten, and this one just struck me as odd but fun. Therefore, I present to you all a list of my favorite ten one-eyed tough hombres. And one mujer. I'm also noticing that there is a preponderance of left eye patches. Wonder what that's all about?

10. Comte de Rocheforte

   We start with a classic, Alexander Dumas's Comte de Rocheforte, agent of the Cardinal, who lost his eye to D'Artagnan's father. He's a tough bastard even in all that lace. Which takes a whole 'nother level of badass to pull off.

9. Colonel Clauss von Stauffenberg

  The only way Tom Cruise could make this list would be because he tried to blow up Hitler. He missed, but it is still a badass way to go down. Plus, this guy actually existed (well, sort of).

8. Captain Francesca "Franky" Cook

   The only person on this list who could pull off the leather catsuit uniform look. Yeah, Angelina Jolie is crazy (although it seems to be calming a bit), but she looks badass in this. Plus, the movie is just a lot of pulp action fun.

7. General Chang

   Forget the movie (please - it was awful). This Klingon warmonger had the bloody thing is bolted on. If that doesn't scream "I'm a badass - don't screw with me!" I don't know what does.

6. Odin, the All Father

   Recently portrayed on film by Anthony Hopkins (aka Hannibal Lecter), according to Norse sagas Odin gave up his eye in order to receive wisdom from Mimir's Well. He also hung himself on a tree for nine days. All of that, and he's Thor's daddy. Which is pretty badass.

5. Emilio Largo

   James Bond's adversary in Thunderball. He collects the Golden Grotto shark. The most vicious, the most deadly. He has a badass yacht, complete with underwater lights, a submarine bay, and a breakaway hydrofoil escape pod. Plus, he scored Domino, until Bond came along and swept her away.

4. The Governor

   He's crazy with a capital CRA. But, he lived alone in the zombie-infested wilds of Georgia for the better part of a year after Rick and his friends kicked the crap out of Woodbury's misguided attempt to take the prison. Homicidal, megalomaniacal... he's no Darryl Dixon, but he's still pretty badass.

3. Nick Fury

   That ain't no Sam Jackson - that's the Real Deal. This guy led the Howling Commandos against the Nazis and still looks good 60+ years later. Did he sneak a little of that Super Soldier Serum?

2. Snake Plissken

   Kurt Russell must save the President in the ruins of New York. Even though he doesn't give a *@!# about the President. He's so badass, Chuck Norris would think twice about it. Forget Escape from LA. This was the real Snake Plissken.

1. Rooster Cogburn

"Fill your hands, you son of a bitch!"

   Best character John Wayne ever had. Forget the remake, even though it was closer to the book. This fat old man could serve papers on Snake Plissken.


ColKillgore said...

This is a list I can agree with.


Chuckaroobob said...


Panzer Kaput said...

Agree agree though Angelina sure has a good arse, lol. Sorry for that and I will get my coat

J Womack, Esq. said...

Angelina is fine as frog hairs, but it doesn't make up for the whole Billy Bob Thornton crazy period.