Top Ten Reasons for Not Blogging

Without further ado, and in no particular order...

10. Laziness

  Sometimes, you just don't feel like doing anything even remotely productive. So instead you flop on the couch and binge watch Blacklist or something.

9. Work

    All of us have those times when we are so busy with our work that, when we have time away, we spend it on things other than our hobbies. This one's been getting me a lot, relating to #5, below.

8. Family

  If you're lucky enough to have one (like me - mine is awesome!), you have to spend time with them. Sitting in front of a computer while they do other things around the house doesn't count.

7. Broken Camera

  This one is actually pretty weak these days. I know my phone's camera isn't great, but it does function and I have it with me almost all the time. And honestly, with my photographic skills, it's not a big difference between the camera and the phone.

6. No Internet Access

  Another weak excuse. In any First or Second World country, you just aren't trying (see "Laziness", above) or it means you are in the Back of Beyond. "What if I can't afford it?" Pffft. That's what work and public libraries are for.

5. No Hobby Time

   This is often a spillover from work, family, etc. But it could be a case of temporary hobby burnout, too. You haven't really done much related to the hobby about which you blog (gaming, in this case). Thus, you have nothing to really blog about. This is part of my problem right now. I have played in one game since October, and haven't picked up a brush since then, either. Just too busy to devote the time.

4. Illness

   Okay, this one's legit. If you or a loved one have been ill, from a nasty cold like I just had to hospitalisation for really serious illnesses, that's a good excuse to not merrily plop every random hobby thought onto the internet. You just might be a bit occupied with more important matters.

3. Too Much Hobby Time

   This is the flipside of 'not enough time.' In this case, you are spending all your available free time on your hobby interests themselves, and are selfishly refusing to share with the rest of the world. You rotten selfish bastard. Thankfully rare.


2. Vacation

  Like many of the other reasons, this is a lack of time issue, combined with (often enough) a lack of access issue. We go on cruises a lot. Internet access is available but expensive and super slow. Plus, I'm busy enjoying myself and stuff. Three months of 'vacation' doesn't count, though...

1. Blogger Burnout

   This happens fairly often, too. You just don't feel like blogging about stuff. You got bored with sharing it to an uncaring world. No one's paying any attention to it anyway. No one comments, your page views are low, and it all seems so pointless... Black spiraling pit of depression...

Happy Mexican Beer Day

Hellboy here seems to like the Tecate.

This may have something to do with his preference:

But I think this tastes better:

And almost anything is better than...

Top Ten Worst Movie Monsters Ever!

  In response to Laughing Ferret's awesome list of the Worst Monsters Ever, I believe I must once again weigh in on the subject. This is becoming a habit, I fear...

   Following his rules, I am limiting myself to only monsters appearing in films which I have seen. Thus, the Twilight critters are safe.

TOP TEN WORST MOVIE MONSTERS

#10: The Blob (1958)

   For some reason, this movie terrified my mother-in-law when she first saw it. But really? It's Jell-o with an attitude. At least the theater is air conditioned. And showing a Bela Lugosi film.

#9: Creature from the Black Lagoon

   Fish guy from prehistoric times? All he wants is to make it with a mammal, raise a few baby fishmen. If only they had used the Creature as the prototype for some kickass Deep Ones in a version of Shadows over Innsmouth. Instead, it's a rubber suit monster with a SCUBA gear humpback.

#8: Were-Marsupials

  No, this is not a joke. In The Howling III, the action takes place in Australia. Therefore, we must have werewolves with pouches! Are these really any scarier than real werewolves? Not in the slightest. And dressing like Sister Mary Catherine doesn't scare me, either, though considering her skill with a yardstick across the knuckles, it probably should be more terrifying.

#7: I Was a Teenage [Fill in Blank] (1957)

   They were both dreadful. Michael Landon as the werewolf. Gary Conway as the Frankenstein's Monster. But at least the werewolf costume wasn't as bad as that awful Frankenstein.

#6: Mothra

   Any monster list that is not specifically anti-kaiju must have kaiju. I think that is internet law #647 or something. And Mothra is the lamest kaiju of them all. First, she can be controlled by two tiny Japanese fairies. Second, although she's big, her greatest power is... poisonous spores. Unless you count the spraying silk attack of the larval form.

#5: Giant Bunnies

   Not a typo. That word is bunnies. Giant, carnivorous bunnies, sure. But still... bunnies? Night of the Lepus tried to make you scared of them. They also did it the lazy way (regular animal, scale setting). Ho hum. These are sure not the killer bunny from Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. After all, these are lame, and that rabbit's dynamite!

#4: The Mirror Monster

   Among the many terrible things that were in Conan the Destroyer (like casting Wilt Chamberlain and Grace Jones), this monster was pathetic. A mighty sorcerer (Thoth-Amon) chooses this for his combat against Conan? I mean, you have to break some mirrors to kill it? Gee, that's tough. Think of all the bad luck you're going to have...

#3: Giant Spider from Ator the Fighting Eagle

   Back in the 80s, I loved sword and sorcery movies. Which had a lot of bad monsters in them. I think the worst was this giant spider. I swear you could see the cables which manipulated the legs in some shots.

#2: Iguana Dinosaurs

   A staple of the early sci-fi movies, an iguana with a forced perspective or film overlay is the laziest monster ever. This one is from One Million Years BC. Which did, however, have some redeeming qualities as a film...

#1: Robot Monster

   The Ferret hit the nail on the head with this one. However, if I had ever seen one of the Twilight movies, I would have bumped this guy for the Sparkly Vampires.

Top Ten Non-Giant Movie Monsters

   The last list was fun, but there were some critters that I had to leave off since they just weren't big enough. To give them their due, I decided I simply had to do another list, this time of the non-giant monsters. And so, without further ado, I present the

TOP TEN NON GIANT MOVIE MONSTERS

#10: Frankenstein's Monster

   Extra points if you know the monster's given name, per the 'good' Doctor Frankenstein? Anyone? I like this guy because he is such a sad monster, misunderstood and maligned before he ever had a chance.

#9: Flying Monkeys

   My wife's favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz. When I saw it for the first time as a kid, these guys scared the bejeezus out of me. And the new Oz movie upgraded them.

#8: The Dragon's Teeth Warriors

   A Ray Harryhausen classic, the skeletal warriors sprung up from the ground in Jason and the Argonauts.

#7: Werewolf/Wolfman

   The allure of this monster is that he is a man. Until the full moon comes out and then hes an unreasoning avatar of hunger and death. Me likey. My favorite werewolf film is An American Werewolf in London. The transformation scene to Bad Moon Rising is a classic.

#6: Reavers

   In a nutshell these creatures - once human - are so scary because, they will rape you till you die, remove your skin and wear it as clothing, and then eat you. And if you're very, very lucky, it will be in that order. That and the fact that they appear in one of my favorite TV series, Firefly, which was made into a film, called Serenity.

#5: The Wampa

   A giant hairy carnivore on the ice planet of Hoth. He took out Luke and the tauntaun with one swipe of his paw. If he had decided that the little guy would be a better appetizer than dessert... well, that would have been the end of that movie.

#4: Imhotep

   Best mummy ever. Both Boris Karloff's version in 1932 and Arnold Vosloo's portrayal in 1999. He did it all for love.

#3: The Alien

   The Alien from the classic sci-fi horror film, Alien. Not the hordes of aliens that the Marines and convicts on a prison world could manage to kill. The original baddie, which took out the entire crew of the Nostromo, except for Ripley. That was a baaad monster.

#2: Zombies

   Man, do I love zombies. The shambling horde. The end of the world. None of this running zombies, none of this 'rage virus' nonsense, and voodoo zombies? Fuggedaboutit. Give me good old fashioned Night of the Living Dead or Dawn of the Dead (original, not remake), or, on the small screen, The Walking Dead. Those are some good monsters. We will not discuss World War Z beyond saying this: great book, okay movie, but not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination.

#1: Count Dracula

   Screw Twilight. Vampires should only sparkle when exposed to sunlight for about a tenth of a second as they are consumed in fire and burnt away to ash. The Count is another horror icon, and has appeared in many guises and many movies. He's a suave killer. And, Bela Lugosi's accent sealed his voice forever.

My Top 10 List of Giant Movie Monsters

   Inspired by the Laughing Ferret's blog post on movie monsters (not the first time that has happened!), I have decided that emulation is the sincerest form of flattery. Thus, my own

TOP 10 GIANT MOVIE MONSTERS!

#10: Tyrannosaurus Rex

   From Jurassic Park. He eats the obnoxious lawyer. 'Nuff said? Poor thing probably got indigestion from eating that greasy junk food.

#9: Graboids

   This movie monster was the real star (sorry, Kevin Bacon) of the absolute B-grade joy movie Tremors. Now, if only they could fly.

#8: THEM!

   The height of 1950's atomic power gone wrong movies. The giant ants of THEM! had no names, but they left a stink of formic acid and boy, did they like sugar.

#7: The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man

   Who says your giant monsters can't be lovable food icons from your childhood? Not Ray Stantz! It's... the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. But Bill knew how to take care of him - all you need now is a 50-Foot Tall Woman (with negotiable virtue). Monsters can be funny, too.

#6: King Ghidorah

   If two heads are better than one, then what about three? Flying three-headed lightning-breathing dragon? Why, yes, thank you!

#5: Smaug

   I love Smaug, the Great and Powerful. He is all that a D&D red dragon should be. He laid waste to an entire dwarven kingdom. He lives in a mountain lair that can only be reached by a secret tunnel. He's powerful, huge, flying, fire-breathing, treasure-hoarding, and - here's the weakness - arrogant as Hell! Yes, Smaug's weakness wasn't the tiny chink in his armoured belly, but his hubris, in that he unwittingly showed Bilbo his vulnerable spot rather than simply flaming him to ashes.

#4: Vermithrax Pejorative

   The eponymous beast from the 1981 Disney film Dragonslayer - still the only Disney film with frontal male nudity! The Verm-ster was a bad, old dragon, just wanted some nice tender virgins for it's babies. He beats out Smaug only because Smaug was animated in a cartoon, and Vermithrax looked real (in 1981).

#3: Great Cthulhu

   So what if it's silent? It's an Elder God. You wouldn't understand what it was saying anyway, and just hearing its voice would drive you mad. Ftaghn!

#2: King Kong

   Yes, he's just a giant ape. And he never should have beaten Godzilla - darned American screenwriters and producers messed that one up. But he is an icon of the giant monster movie genre. And he did it all for love.

#1: Godzilla

   There can be only one, and this is the King of Monsters. The Big G is iconic, even through his multiple incarnations and his varying attitudes vis-a-vis destroying or saving humanity. Heck, he's even been a she on at least one occasion. He's had cartoons, a million movies, stuffed toys, a bubble gum, etc., etc.

It All Makes Sense Now...

Today's Horoscope: Cancel Senate Appearances

Today is the Ides of March. If you are an Italian politician bent on assuming supreme power, today is Not Your Day. Stay home with the missus. Oh, and cut loose that guy that you've been treating like a son - he's a good kid, but his sense of morals is going to cause you trouble some day soon.

Ignore the oracular wisdom at thy peril!

I've been dipped in lead!

Or at least it sure looks like me!

50231: Townsfolk: Geeks

Reaper Miniatures

   That's me, all the way to the left. Short, goatee, a few extra pounds, shirt untucked... it's me, I tell ya. I wonder if I should be getting royalties for my image and likeness? I like that he's (I'm?) standing next to the cute girl geek and not the Allergic-to-Soap fellow on the right.

   Seriously, though, it's really cool looking, and in the Previews from Reaper Miniatures. I'll have to buy the pack.

Note: If the folks at Reaper Minis don't want me to use their photo, please contact me. I figure it's free advertising so they won't mind, but ...

It's so cold...

...they are re-enacting the Winter War in 1:1 scale in my front yard.

...my minis are demanding another coat of paint.

...my French Napoleonic Old Guard are reminiscing about the Retreat from Moscow.

...my yeti figs have finally quit bitching about the heat.

...I fully expect a white dragon to claim my lawn as its lair at any moment.

...I can predict the overnight temperatures with a d20.

...my 28mm minis have experienced 'shrinkage' to 15mm.

...polar bears are swimming in our HOA pool.

I... Love ... Stories!

If you hate gnomes, you will love this.



Get 'em, Frances!

D&D Soda...

Okay, this is just too cool...

http://www.myjones.com/limited/wizards